So now, here is another blog about somebody with Asperger's.

I think in the broad strokes my life has been mostly typical for Aspies. I've had constant troubles in school, and in my grown-up life I never could get a foot into the door so to say.
I have been married, but after just five years that ended in a little bit of a catastrophe, and so I raised my children alone after that.
But in detail I must say, my life is not quite the usual Aspie story.
Yes, the other children in school thought I was weird, and I did get my share of mobbing. But I went to a Waldorf School, or a Rudolf-Steiner-School as it is known in many countries, and which places great value on arts and crafts.
And I am good at arts and crafts.
I always loved to paint and draw.
And so, right from the first grade, I was the class's big talent in the arts department.
That fact gave me a kind of unique standing. I was never mobbed just the same bad as several others of my class mates, who were different from the main group in other ways.
So, my childhood hasn't been bad really.

But that fact also never let me feel completely on the wrong planet.
I kind of thought of myself as a bit batty and eccentric.

I've had some great friendships all throughout my childhood.
And as I grew up, I even managed to have a couple of boyfriends.
I was never able to become friends with people when I had the wish for it. But very constantly people came to me, and offered me their friendship.

When I was around twenty, I had a near normal life.
I had a very good friend, I had a boy friend, I got married, I had a baby, and I had a job. Because my husband didn't earn very well in his part time kindergarten-teacher job, I started working the night shifts at McDonald's. And despite it all, I really enjoyed my time there.
Yes, I still got into troubles with other people, but I was a very good worker, and so had found myself, just like in school, a little niche.
But my marriage was doomed actually right from the beginning. It ended in said catastrophe, and from that point my life just got weirder and weirder.
For a short while I managed to keep up kind of a social life, by doing handyman work at our Waldorf School, where by now my children went, too. The janitor there had kind of a soft spot for me, and we had something like friendship going.
But after a year or two he got fired, and after my Dad had passed away, my son's only attachment figure besides me, the boy ran into huge problems in school, and in the end got kicked out and was sent to a special school. (I'm thinking he has Asperger's too, but he isn't too keen on getting a diagnosis.)
So, I just didn't seem to be made for contact with people, and started to hole up at home.

I have so often wondered what might be wrong with my life. Clearly something was. But I have to say it never occurred to me that maybe I was totally fooked up, or maybe even mentally ill or something.
I always rested assured that I am a friendly, very polite person, and if people don't get that, there must be something wrong with them.

I sure was aware that in those recent years I have acted more and more not so polite, but of course I racked that up to all the stress I had to deal with.

Which brings me now to what had finally triggered the finding out that I have Asperger's.
Well, one of the weirder episodes of my life was a clash with my doctor, who insisted that I couldn't have the back pains like I was claiming I had, but rather was a junkie who only wanted the funny little pills he had been prescribing so generously while I was the baby sitter of his little baby son.
Suddenly it didn't seem to matter anymore that he had diagnosed me with a real crappy spine, which has a tendency to get inflamed, and a bunch of slipping discs.
The inflammation business is all over my body actually. He had seen that at work when he pricked me with acupuncture needles, and those prick marks grew totally out of proportion and healed very poorly.
Leaving that fact apparently unconsidered, he sent me to a clinic for a withdrawal treatment.
That treatment included a catheter inside my spinal canal, where they could inject stuff that would take the pain away, while I withdrew from the pills.
Really, if he thought I was making up the pain, why do something like that?
Well, I'm not saying that doctors are smart people.
The catheter lay inside my spinal canal for three weeks, (IV ports get inflamed after about three days.), and when it got pulled on the day I was discharged from that clinic, I felt something pop big time in my spine, and my lower legs were numb.
When I said so, the nurse only said "That can't be."
I insisted, and so they "graciously" offered me they could send the neurologist in. But they kept saying "He must be here in about fifteen minutes.", until they knew I had to leave in the afternoon, because I had to get home to my children.
Walking worked still. It was like when one walks when one's legs have gone to sleep.
Over the following weeks it got from bad to worse, until I could only shuffle slowly for some meters, and I insisted to see a neurologist.
She did one of those tests where they see how fast information travels through the nerves, was flummoxed that there was hardly any traveling going on at all, and prescribed a wheelchair.
And that was that.
Nobody talked about it again.
Well, I liked my wheelchair, because it let me get around again.
But I vowed to never ever let a doctor get anywhere near me again.
Knowing that, one might be able to see my point that I always acted a leetle bit on the aggressive side, (Though I want to point out that aggressive means rolling my eyes at all their dumb questions, and make it a point to show that I totally was not pleased being there.)   when the authorities who are in charge here of people out of work sent me to see authority doctors who would then decide if I am able to work. Ever since I got divorced I am out of work, because of course my husband never took care of the children like it was agreed upon, so that I had to keep calling in sick, and after a half year quit my job altogether.
I have then stayed at home, because of my son's difficulties in school, as well as my own health issues.
During the last recent five years I have started to insist that the job authorities should see now that I can get a job, but first I had to see the doctor again.
And this time he kind of insisted that I should see a psychiatrist, because I was acting a little bit strange.
I thought that was weird, because I had told him the story why I don't like doctors very much.
He said ya fine, but still, he insisted on the psychiatrist.
Okay. Since it isn't like I'm mad or something, I did agree to that.
But the whole thing got me thinking, and as soon as I was back home, I went on Google and looked up Asperger's.
The thing is, the very first time when I heard of autism, I thought hoo, that kind of sounds close to home. But of course I can speak just fine, and I don't reject people's touches quite so violently.
Then I heard about Asperger's, and thought wow, that really sounds like me.
But the first thing I found out was that Asperger people are number geniuses, which I so am not. So I didn't go on searching there.
But it kind of stayed in the back of my brains.
So when the authority doctor told me in detail how I had acted strange over those years I had been made to see him, the Asperger tag came out of its remote spot, and made himself comfortable right smack in the middle of my mind.
And this time the first thing I found out was, that not at all all Asperger people are numbers geniuses.
Some are, but ever so many aren't.
So I went on researching, and it was just like I was being described on the internet.
Next step was one of those tests one can find online.
I had no doubt by then that I have Asperger's, but I just so love tests, and can't get enough of scoring high.
And boy, did I score high.
There is one test that scouts out both ones Aspie points, 200 of them all in all, and ones neurotypical points, 200 too.
So, one answers all those questions, and in the end one sees how many Aspie, and how many neurotypical poinst one gets.
My result was 188 Aspie points, and only 11 neurotypical points.
Actually I was absolutely thrilled. I so felt like I had finally found the key to that rusty old padlock, that seems to be sitting on my life.
So, I went to see the psychiatrist.
But man, was he a bore. He only asked the same stuff the other doctor already had.
Well, I answered all that with a bit more patience, because I thought he sure would notice that I have Asperger's, and then I wouldn't have to go through a lengthy, very time consuming diagnostic marathon.
But that guy never even said anything remotely connected to Asperger's.
So, when he was done interrogating me, I kind of blurted out: "Don't you think I could have Asperger's?"
He said instantly no of course. I shouldn't worry. I am totally normal. It just was so that I've had some extremely weird episodes with doctors, and so it was to be expected that I'm reacting a tad on the aggressive side when contact is forced on me.
Yeah. That for sure was exactly what I had told the doctor who had sent me there, but not at all what I wanted to hear right now.
He told me in the most friendly fashion that he would put that in the testimonial, and also that he thinks that I cannot work properly for the required three hours the authorities are after. Like that I would get the time to finish my graphic design training, which I have started last year, and then I would have the liberty to go find a work I like, rather than getting put in some crappy old call center job by the authorities.
Well, at least that sounded okay.
It didn't matter that he hadn't diagnosed me with Asperger's. It is so that only very few specialists know enough to do so.
Which is why the diagnosis takes so long. Most of the time is spent waiting for an appointment.
   Funny thing: when the psychiatric testimony came in to my case handler at the job authorities, he called me up to let me know that I've been diagnosed with a psychosis, and that I should consider treatment, best in a facility that can handle weird people.
And also he told me because I am not fit to work for three hours, I had to file for retirement.
Well, I cannot say that bothers me too much.
They have put a whole lot of energy into finding out that I am weird, and now they have to accept that I am acting weird. I so don't care their demands that I have to retire, that I have to move, because my apartment is now 30 Euros too expensive...
Right now everything came to rest, because I refuse to let myself be pushed into any kind of spot where I only get out again when experts give their okay.
Because besides all my weirdnesses, I am also a person with an IQ of 134, and a generally accepted talent in arts, and by extension graphic design.
I just know that I can do better than retiring with only just five years of selling burgers in my records.

Well, the next step was to get a diagnosis.
My doctor (yes, despite my vow, I did have to find a doctor for a weird thing with my leg, about which I will tell more soon.) listened to what I had found out, and encouraged me to get a diagnosis, because "everything was pointing into the direction Asperger's". Only he doesn't have the required skills to give me the diagnosis.
After never even getting so far as to get an appointment to get an appointment with the renowned specialist in Hannover, I finally called a foundation that means to be help to people with Asperger's, and asked for a list of doctors who are able to diagnose it.
And lucky me, there was one doctor on that list who not only was very close by my home, but also not yet known to the Asperger community as a specialist.
I called her, and no two weeks later I had my first appointment.
She was great. She made no great ado, like many other doctors do, like sending the patients to other doctors, have brain scans done, and invite the whole family to do a complete research.
Right after the first appointment she told me that she had no doubt that I have Asperger's,  but she just isn't allowed to say so after just one hour. So I had to come back again for a second appointment.
But no more.
So now, since the mid of April 2013, I am officially weird, I am officially diagnosed to have asperger's autism.